The Difficulties of Eating Thursday, June 26, 2008

Damn. Eating is so freaking difficult. I don’t know why. I can’t figure it out. But it takes me so long to eat so little and it is so much work. It really makes me not want to eat, which is not good, since I already have no appetite. And trying to decide WHAT to eat is ridiculously difficult. I feel nauseas all the time and puke so often. I have lost an incredible amount of weight, and I am now seriously underweight for my body frame and height. It’s really scaring me. I’m trying so hard to eat something, anything, but I do want to keep it to more healthy items. I know I probably have a malabsorption issues at this point, so I’m trying to make sure that what I am putting INTO my body is as healthy as possible. But healthy foods have so little calories and I can’t eat enough of them. To maintain my current weight, I need a little over 1200 calories. To gain 1 pound a week and get back up to 115 pounds by October 20, I would have to eat over 2000 calories. I can barely get 1000 calories down my throat on most days. I can’t lose any more weight. If I do, I’ll end up seriously sick and in the hospital, which I cannot afford. I’m doing a lot of research on food and nutrition and so forth, so maybe I’ll find something in there that can help me, because the doctors are absolutely useless. I’m so tired of this.